


Blaze of Glory

by SensualPancake



Category: Glory (1989)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:53:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21914752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SensualPancake/pseuds/SensualPancake
Summary: its just SAD and GAY Shawes fluff bro thats it
Relationships: Cabot Forbes/Robert Gould Shaw (1837-1863)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

“Good morning, Major.” Came the docile greeting from Shaw, who, despite being one of my closest and most valued friends, I couldn’t bear the sight of right now. His safe tone was already starting to make my blood boil, but I decided not to let my anger arise. It would fester for as long as I could keep it dormant which, unbeknownst to me, wouldn’t take long. “You’re up early.”

“I want to talk to you.” My tone wasn’t friendly either, as I wanted to keep an air of professionalism between us. Hopefully Shaw would listen to me, and I could go back to being his trusty right hand man.

Shaw hesitated for the briefest of moments, gracing me with a weary gaze before mustering a smile. “Certainly.” He sheathed his sword and took the reins of his horse once again.

I gave him a blank stare, hoping that he could catch my drift. When he didn’t, I motioned with my arm downwards. “If you wouldn’t mind getting down from your horse.” Your Majesty, I bit back, knowing the bitter words would only land me in hot water. Instead I crossed my arms and kept a steely gaze on Shaw as I waited for him to follow my direction.

He didn’t reply right away, or with words for that matter. His glare was unfocused on me for a moment before he loosened the reins on his horse. He swung his right leg over the animal and dismounted it with little trouble. He patted the creature softly one time before he led it the few steps in my direction.

The look in his eye was one that told me he was unnerved by my presence, and with good reason. He knew why I wanted to talk to him whether he wanted to admit it to himself or not. He stood firmly before me but didn’t let his gaze waver. “Better?”

I took a deep breath and moved my hands from across my chest to my hips. “Why do you treat the men this way, Robert?” I asked calmly, hoping for a mature talk.

Robert cast his gaze to both sides momentarily before tilting his head at my question. “How should I treat them?”

“Like men?” I offered honestly, reflecting on the horrible treatment of Private Sharts during our rifle training session. I suppressed a shiver and kept my stance firm. I felt a worm of unease in the pit of my stomach and I crossed my arms for more control. “And what about Thomas? Why are you so hard on him?”

“He’s not a very good soldier.” Was his immediate reply, speaking so dully of his lifelong friend. “I’m getting these men ready for battle.”

I refused to roll my eyes as the words left his lips. “Robert, they’re already as good as the 7th ever was. They march well. They’re disciplined.”

“No thanks to you.” He shot back, taking a jab at the way I hesitated before giving Robert my revolver so he could fire it behind Sharts’ head for motivation.

My body immediately gravitated forward, closing some distance between our faces. “What?” I asked, acting as if I had heard him wrong.

“You heard me.” He replied, smug as ever.

I took a small step back, eyeing my friend. Another fury was bubbling inside of me, begging to be let loose. “Who do you think you are, acting the high-up colonel?” I returned to my spot in front of his face, searching his darkening brown eyes as I spoke. “You seem to forget I know you. And so does Thomas.”

Robert quickly glanced at my mouth before he locked his jaw and returned his gaze to mine. I took one more look before I shouldered past him, barely managing to suppress the urge to knock my shoulder against his dramatically to remove him from my way. I shook my head in despair, planning to seek out Thomas to see if he could give me further advice on how to deal with Shaw. He had never acted this way before; it was as if being promoted to colonel had gone to his head, and he was attempting to be this person that no one asked him to be. It was… Annoying, to put it lightly.

“Forbes!” I heard him call out, and I stopped. I turned around passively, not allowing any notion of my feelings to be presented on my features. “If you don’t believe in what we’re doing here, maybe you shouldn’t be part of it.”

“Part of what?” I asked as I retook the steps towards him that I had taken to get away from him. “Huh? “Left, right, left right! Little finger along the seam of your trousers”? Marching is probably all they’ll ever get to do, Robert.”

Robert looked at me, his jaw slightly gaped. “It is my job to get these men ready,” he took a step closer, so close I could smell the watermelon from the ones he had been practicing his fencing on. “And I will. They have risked their lives to be here. They have given up their freedom. I owe them as much as they have given me. I owe them my freedom, my life if necessary. Maybe so do you, Cabot.”

I nodded slowly, taking in his words. The passion in his voice was enough to stir something in my stomach, this time not anger or resentment, no, this time it was something else. Something… Unidentifiable.

“I think you do.” He finished, giving me a side eye that said silently a thousand more words. Another eloquent speech that he just didn’t have the fight to give right now. I couldn’t think of an appropriate response, so instead I bowed to him, extending my hand to him in an exaggerated grand gesture. I knew he wouldn’t appreciate it, but a subtle blow like that was enough to satisfy me.

I turned to leave again, truly having no more words for Robert, but it seemed as though he had other plans. With my hand still extended from the bow, he pulled me back. My feet danced together in such a way that caused me to stumble out of sheer surprise at the motion. Luckily Robert was prepared, as he caught me before I hit the ground.

The position he caught me in, however, was not one that I had ever wished to be in. One of his hands was supporting my lower back, just above my hip, while his other one was cradling my head, his fingers interlocked in my hair. I couldn’t remember when my hat had fallen from my head, but I couldn’t seem to remember anything due to the intense gaze that Robert was peering down at me with. The feeling that I had earlier, the unidentifiable feeling of passion, and the unexplained thrill of smelling the watermelons on his coat.

“Be careful where you’re putting your feet, Major.” He spoke a little breathlessly, a small smile flirting with his lips. He didn’t go to move from our position, only held the intense eye contact for what seemed like ages. The hand on my lower back tightened around the fabric of my vest. The hand in my hair toyed with the strands.

I cleared my hoarse throat. My mouth had gone dry before I ever registered it had, and my brain was lost from comprehensible thoughts. “Um, Robert,” I started awkwardly, bringing my arm up to rest my hand on the crook of his elbow. “I don’t want to be a bother, but if any of the soldiers see us like this-.” I broke off as I was suddenly brought closer to Robert’s chest. I could feel his heart hammering, and I tried not to focus on it. “Um, Robert-.”

“Shh.” He slowly pulled me away from his chest, once against focusing his innocent brown gaze on my face. “We’re behind the horse now, and the soldiers have gone inside for lunch. It’s just you and I, Cabot.”

I didn’t know what to make of his comment. It’s just you and I, Cabot. The sentence caused my head to swim, and I couldn’t figure out why. It wasn’t like Robert and I had never been alone before, as we often were as children when our fathers were away and our mothers left us in each other’s care in favor of their own company. But there was something almost too… Intimate about being held by Robert the way that I was. It was like how you would hold a wife. Except I wasn’t Robert’s wife.

“Shouldn’t we be getting back to the regiment?” My heart stung as I spoke, resisting pulling away from Robert. I managed to do so, however, only to stand properly on my feet. My hand still cradled his elbow, and his hands were still placed firmly on my hips.

Robert took a step closer, his eyes trained on my lips. “The regiment can wait, Major.” He was breathless still, and my eyes couldn’t help but widen in shock as Robert closed the gap between our lips and kissed me with a passion equal to the one he had spoken his speech with.

I stood rigid, taking in the situation. My brain was telling me to abandon ship, and to push Robert away and report him to Governor Andrew and have him stripped of his title and forced to give up his regiment. But my body wouldn’t let me do that. My heart was willing me to play this through, and see where Robert wanted to go. The kiss was tender enough to convince me, and for some wild reason I found myself placing my hand on Robert’s face and bringing the shorter man closer to me, enveloping him in a much deeper, more meaningful kiss.

Robert stretched onto the tips of his toes to reach me, telling me that he was just as eager about this kiss as I seemed to be. I couldn’t seem to shake that unidentifiable feeling, and it only took Robert humming softly in approval for it to click.

It was want. Longing. Lust. I wanted Robert. I wanted this. I wanted to be kissed by Robert like I had never been kissed before. I wanted to be left breathless, craving much more than just a single kiss from him. I needed it, and had Robert not kissed me first I probably never would have known.

He pulled back all too quickly, leaving me feeling cold where his lips had parted from mine. His eyes were just as wide as ever, but there was something different about them now. He was looking at me with adoration, something I had never seen Robert offer in the twenty-six years that I knew him. Robert was a handsome young man, which meant that he had had his fair share of ladies trying to court him. While he never showed intense interest, there were a few that Robert shared his time with. There were two that seemed to occupy all of Robert’s time in school. But even then, with two beautiful young lasses pining after him, I had never seen such a look on his face.

“I’m sorry, that was inappropriate. Please forgive me, Forbes.” Robert cleared his throat and went to step away, but he didn’t get very far before I gathered him into a tight embrace. While I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, I felt Robert snake his arms around my waist and pull me closer. It was a romantic embrace, one that I never expected to share with Robert. But now I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t want to go back to my own tent, shared with the other higher ranks, with Robert occupying every single free thought my mind had to offer.

“Don’t let go.” I mumbled into his ear as I closed my eyes, relishing the hug for a few seconds more before I would have to let go, and return to the harsh reality of not having Shaw by my side.

Robert removed his arms from around my waist, and I reluctantly released him from my grip. He instead grabbed my hand and gave it a comforting squeeze. “Come to my tent tonight, Major.” He whispered before he let go. He bent down and grabbed my fallen cap from when I had stumbled, and he glanced at me for just a second before he dusted it off. “I believe I am in possession of your hat. You’ll just have to come get it.”

I watched him lead his horse away with my hat tucked safely under his elbow. He didn’t glance back, however much I knew he wanted to. I watched him disappear into camp, my heart warm at the thought of spending the night with him.

If only I knew what would happen later on in the summer, on July 18th, 1863.


	2. The Christmas of 1863

This isn’t exactly where I wanted to be spending Christmas this year. My hands were clasped firmly behind my back as I strolled through the rows of tents, barely housing the extremely brave colored soldiers of my regiment. I forced myself to keep a straight face as I watched them celebrate in their own ways, with their own customs that I wasn’t taught. It was heartwarming to see them so relaxed despite being amidst a war and hundreds of miles away from their families.

“Merry Chri’mus, Colonel Shaw!” I nodded my head in acknowledgement of Jupiter’s words, seeing the young man smile before he turned back to Rawlins and Trip, engaging himself once more in their festivities. I noted that Thomas was not among them, and for a brief moment I wondered if he was with Forbes.

_Forbes._ The Major lingered on my mind for the sparest of moments before I forced the thought away. There was nothing more special about him now than there was before we left. I just needed to keep telling myself that.

The chatter of the crowd faded as I made my way into my own tent, welcoming the shelter from the wet wind. It was December twenty-fifth and there was no snow on the ground, but instead a cold drizzle and a harsh wind. It didn’t seem to be bothering the soldiers, however, which blew my mind.

I draped my coat across the back of my chair and settled down before my journal, my fingers gripping my quill tightly. What was I going to write tonight? Should I write to my mother, who hadn’t heard from me in several weeks? She might not know I’m even alive.

With a decisive nod I tapped my quill and readied myself to write.

_It is Christmas morning, and I hope a happy and merry one for you all, though it looks so stormy for our poor country, one can hardly be in merry humor._

I stared at the paper before me, my quill-tip just an inch above the page. There was something bothering me, something that just didn’t seem right about the words I was writing to her. Like I was lying, but what I wrote was the truth. I knew what I had to write, even if I didn’t send it. I had to get it off my chest.

_There is something that I’ve been wanting to share with you, mother, something that has been on my mind since my departure to lead the 54th. I am not sure how I would go about this in person, so a letter seemed fitting. I do hope this doesn’t change your opinion of me, mother, however I know it will once you continue reading. Know that in my heart I love you, and nothing has changed._

_I’m beginning to see Major Forbes with new eyes, mother. In such a way that I would deem inconceivable had it not been happening to myself. When he’s around, I can’t seem to think straight. I’m supposed to be in charge of a regiment, dammit. My focus should be there, but instead it’s on Cabot, when he’s standing beside me a little too close, or when he’s giving the men orders. That voice… Awakens something in me, something that I cannot describe in words, no matter how much I might try. It’s a new feeling, one not felt from the ladies who courted me when I was young. While their beauty was unimaginable, they never compared to Forbes and his beautiful physique._

_Oh, listen to me. Calling another man beautiful. It’s sinful, isn’t it? Sickening, even. Yet something about it feels right, like I was always meant to call Cabot beautiful. His eyes are a shade of blue matched only by the blue of the ocean, a blessed sight that I could spend hours gazing into. I could get lost in those every night, had I my way. Of course, Cabot could never reciprocate my feelings, however much I wish he did. It is driving me almost mad, being so close to the man I feel so strongly for yet not being able to do anything about it. I keep to myself mostly, when I can spare it._

_Cabot has noticed a change in me, however. He thinks I’m being too hard on the men, and perhaps that’s true, I could be simply taking my frustrations out on them. I know it isn’t fair, but it’s the only way I can safely channel my feelings. I’ll make it up to them soon; Rawlins mentioned something about them needing shoes, so I could win them over with those once my request goes through._

_Writing this has been… Liberating, to say the least. I never thought I would be able to express my feelings in any form, and a letter than I do not intend to send is the perfect way. However it is comforting to think that you’re on the other end of this letter, mother. I promise I’ll write to you soon._

_Warmest regards,_

_Your son, Robert._

I stared at the page before me, noticing for the first time my racing heart and my shaking hand. Reading those words, the words that I was too terrified to speak, left me feeling a little more complete than they had before I started. Admitting my feelings made them feel official, which left a warm feeling in the pit of my stomach. Perhaps someday I would let Cabot read this letter, but for now I folded it up and tucked it safely in the drawer of my desk. Somewhere no one would find it.

“Robert.” I jumped in startle as Cabot’s voice came from the doorway of my tent. I spun around slowly to face him, noting the rosy hue gracing his skin that left my heart fluttering.

“Yes, Major?” I responded, getting to my feet to face him properly, although I still remained shorter than him.

Cabot suddenly smiled. “I need to show you something. But don’t tell anyone where we’re going.”

Curiosity sparked in my chest as Forbes excitedly left my tent, which left me scrambling for my coat and throwing it on haphazardly as I attempted to keep up with him.

“Wait up, Forbes!” I called as he paced further away from me. He paused for a moment, allowing me to catch up, before he began walking at a normal pace. We trailed behind the tents, where most of the men were hooting and hollering different Christmas melodies to lighten the dreary mood. “Where are we going?”

Cabot turned to face me with a cheeky grin, yet didn’t say a word. I hugged my coat closer to my body as the tents gradually thinned out, and we met with a line of trees that started into a forest. Cabot walked a few paces into the woods and then paused. “We’re here.”

I followed him into the clearing, where, between two damp bushes was a small campfire burning. I furrowed my brow and stared at it quizzically, hoping for an explanation that I didn’t have to ask for.

Cabot stayed silent for another moment, his hands clasped together in front of his chest. “Well? Do you like it?” He asked quietly, almost inaudible over the howling wind.

I took a step towards it, admiring the soft glow casting a brilliant orange shadow on Cabot’s flushed face. I took a seat on the mostly dry log beside the fire. “I do, actually.” I responded as Cabot took a seat beside me. “But what is it for, Cabot?”

He shrugged. “I just thought that you needed a night to unwind. You’ve been stressed lately, which has caused you to be harder on the men. I hoped that a night with just the two of us would put your mind at ease.”

_Little do you know how true that statement is._ I almost laughed at my thought, recalling the letter I had written mere minutes ago. I nodded anyway, taking my eyes away from the fire to meet those dazzling, ocean blue eyes. “I appreciate your camaraderie, Forbes.” I nearly jumped out of my skin as Cabot leaned his shoulder against my own, bringing his face several inches closer. “A-Although, what if the men need me for something?”

Cabot shrugged, not removing his face from the close distance it was to mine. “Sergeant Mulcahy can handle the men, Robert. Worry about yourself tonight, alright? The men will be fine without you for twenty-four hours.”

I allowed myself to lean into him as he spoke, comforted by his words. A stinging thought left me worried for the men if Mulcahy was in charge, but that thought quickly vanished as Cabot placed his hand on my knee. “I wish we had some snow for Christmas. Don’t you, Robert?”

Nodding was all I could manage to do. I wanted to say a million things in this moment, but nothing came out. Or at least, nothing that I could stand speaking aloud wanted to come out. I glanced at his hand on my knee. I could reach out and grab that right now. I could hold Cabot’s hand and no one would ever know about it. Just one swift motion-.

“The men are really shaping up, Robert.” I almost protested when he drew his hand away to warm them with the fire’s heat. “They’re as good as the 7th was, and with some more hard work I believe they could be better. A lot better.”

A twinkle appeared in his eye as he glanced over at me, awaiting a response. I nodded again, still trying to force something out. Anything would do at this point. The longer I went without speaking the more awkward it got, and it wouldn’t be long before Cabot would know something was up. Come on, Shaw. Say something, anything!

“I think the men deserve a nice break from training. They seem to be enjoying themselves rather a lot tonight. I even overheard Trip saying that this was one of the best Christmases he’s ever experienced. Poor boy probably didn’t have much of a childhood, so this could be his first Christmas with a family. The men are awful close, have you realized? They’ve bonded over a single purpose, a-.”

“I’m in love with you.”

The words hung heavy in the air, and I wished for nothing more than to take them back. But I couldn’t; once they were out there, they stayed out there, no matter how much I regretted them once I spoke. Cabot’s entire body went stiff, and he didn’t take his eyes away from the gentle blaze of the fire. I felt a hard lump forming in my throat as the silence dragged on, neither one of us willing to speak at the current moment. Me, because I was afraid of saying something to make the situation worse, but there was no telling what was on Cabot’s mind.

“I… Have a letter.” I forced out, clearing my throat. “It’s in my desk drawer. It explains this all, better than I could with words. If you wish to read it, you may. If you wish to leave now, I would understand completely.” As I spoke I got to my feet and quickly dusted my pants off. “Thank you for the fire, Major. Have a merry Christmas. Goodnight.”

As I turned to leave, something grabbed my hand. I tried to pull away, but Cabot was stronger than me, and he forced me to stay put. I kept my back turned to him as tears burned my eyes, begging to be let out. I felt Cabot get to his feet, and I grimaced, preparing for the punch I was no doubt about to receive.

“So you thought,” he started, his grip growing tighter around my wrist. “That you could just drop something like that and walk away?” His voice was quiet again, almost heartbreaking.

I swallowed the lump in my throat before I spoke, hoping to sound more confident than I actually was. “It wasn’t my intention to confess that to you tonight, Major. My apologies if I’ve upset you.”

Cabot chuckled darkly, which caused a shiver to run up my spine. “Was it ever your intention to tell me that, Robert?”

I shook my head. “No, Forbes, never. I meant to take it to my grave.” Which could be soon, I thought.

“So what made you do it?”

That was a tricky question. What was I supposed to answer? His hand on my knee caused my head to swim? His ramblings about the men caused my heart to flutter? There was no good answer that I could give him that would make the situation less worse.

“Well?”

“I’m unsure what caused it, Cabot. I just couldn’t seem to hold it in any longer.”

I gasped as I was roughly spun around. I barely had time to catch Cabot’s gaze before I was being propelled backwards, and I grunted in discomfort as he pushed me against a tree. I saw him raise his right hand, and to avoid witnessing the punch I clenched my eyes shut tight, bracing myself.

Instead I was met with a pair of soft lips. My eyes shot open in surprise, only to meet Cabot’s gaze once more. His lips moved slowly against mine, as if he were unsure, but his intense gaze never let mine.

I pushed him away from me as hard as I could, which didn’t do much, but it did cause him to break our kiss and dislodge him from against my body. “What the hell are you doing, Cabot?”

He stared at me as if I had just slapped him. I couldn’t bring myself to look away from his hurt face. “What does it look like I’m doing, Robert. If you’re so in love with me, why are you pushing me away?”

He grabbed my wrist and directed me back towards the tree, and I fought with him the entire way, but eventually gave up as he threw me against the tree again, this time pinning me with his body. “Fine.” I spit as Cabot forced my arms above my head. “Why are you doing this, Major?”

Cabot’s eyes lit up as I spoke, a hunger that I had never seen before. “I like when you call me Major.” He taunted, bringing his face closer to mine. “Have you thought that maybe I’m in love with you as well, Colonel?”

I was stunned into a brief silence. The thought hadn’t occurred to me, but perhaps that was because I hadn’t let it in fear of leading myself on and breaking my own heart. “Why are you being so rough, Major?”

He answered me with another heated kiss. “I was planning on telling you that I was in love with you tonight too.” He spoke in between sloppy kisses. “This just worked out on it’s own.”

I returned the kisses this time, meeting his lips with an equal, fiery passion. Cabot removed his hand from around one of my wrists, which allowed me to tangle my fingers in his hair and bring him closer to me. The other wrist stayed pinned above my head, but something about it sparked another fire in me.

Cabot broke away, much to my dismay, and before I could kiss him again he held a finger to my lips. I stopped as he did so, and watched him with careful eyes as he glanced upwards. A smile broke out across his face. “Robert, come look.”

I glanced upwards, but couldn’t find what he was talking about. He removed my wrist from above my head and instead directed me back the way we came. One hand came sweeping over my eyes, obviously shielding my vision from whatever he was so eager about. I stumbled a few times on the short walk, but it wasn’t long before he removed his hand and pointed at the sky.

Light, pillowy snowflakes fell from the sky and circled around our heads, landing so perfectly on the grass below before disappearing completely. I stared in awe as several more followed suit, and a smile broke its way onto my face as I saw the snow start to accumulate on the frosty grass.

“There’s snow for Christmas.” I spoke lamely. I could hear the men of the 54th shouting in the distance, obviously just as pleased with the snow as I was. “It’s a miracle, Forbes.”

“No,” arms wrapped around my waist, and Cabot’s head came forward to rest on my shoulder. “You’re a miracle, Robert. Not only for me, but for those men over there. What you’re doing is incredible, and someone out there knows it. This snow is for you.”

He placed a kiss to my jaw which caused my eyes to flutter shut. I couldn’t open them, a panic overtaking me when I thought about this being a dream. It felt too good to be true, being held by Cabot in the snowfall. But when I opened my eyes again, he was there, smiling at me as the snowflakes landed delicately on his eyelashes. I kissed him again, which he returned eagerly.

“Let’s spend the night out here, Cabot.” I spoke, my tone leaving no room for arguing. “We have a lot to discuss.”


End file.
